Thinking, thanks Canon

ugh, i'm thinking too much about changing my mind

changing completely or adding onto

....

i'm not sure yet

all i know is

that i loved taking that photo above

and

i loved changing it, 

making it look and feel different

yet still the same as the original....

thank you my little canon powershot for making

my mind argue with itself....

for what feels like the hundredth time!

Maybe i should just do it already

good grief

make your choice stranger; strike the bell

and bide the danger, or wonder; till 

it drives you mad, what would

have followed if you hadn't

C.S Lewis

{ i know now }

The very worst part
the minute you think your past it
it starts all over again.
you cant control it
The best we can do is to let ourselves
feel it
when it comes
and let it go when we can
and
always
everytime
it takes your breath away....


That is why an encounter with Christ leaves us so joyful, happy, hopeful. Last night, after talking to a friend back home about everything, he gave me a piece of scripture to read. Normally, when i read something from the bible it takes longer than the moment its read for it to sink in and mean something in my life. It doesnt work instantly for me, it works its way in and surprises me with hidden meaning.


It was psalm 143:8


At dawn let me hear of you kindness,
for in you I trust.
Show me the path i should walk,
for in you i hope.
Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God.


but this time was different.
After reading this
i let myself cry
i let myself take in the truth
i let myself see things as they are and know that everything will be alright
with prayer and with time.


we are broken and it is only He who can show us reality, show us how to become more and more the people we were created to be. i took the advice of a strong women and i prayed. i prayed while reading her given scripture in proverbs...


Theres a bigger plan out there for me. Its scary for me to say that, not scary, but real.
and i never thought i would become this person. 
a person who whole heartedly believes that God has a plan.
a plan for you 
a plan for me
a plan for every single person on this earth
Like the childhhood/TEC song, " he's got the whole world in his hands"
:)
He really does. Now i know. 
It took planning, a plane ride, three letters and a broken heart for me to clearly see what i have been searching for since the first day of r.c.i.a. I've been searching for Him. To see Him and His love for me!

I can see it and i'm so happy that's Hes worked my life to this point.


I've become so grateful for the people he has placed in my life.


My friends who see my pain
 dont pat me on the back and tell me "it'll be alright"
they pass along the word of God 
because they know that i'll find more comfort with those words than i will with a pat on the back. 


I will continue to pray
I will continue to love
Thats how you stay alive

Another Day

This past weekend, my group and I spent our time in Talinn, Estonia. Leaving very early saturday morning to catch the 5am bus to Helsinki. I'm not very impressed with Helsinki. It very much reminded me of pittsburgh in a way. We walked around trying to find the harbor to make the ferry, but with our lack of swedish and map reading skills, we ended up taking a bus. Twenty minutes later we arrive at the north harbor. Lined with huge ship carriers and seagulls, the harbor has the atmosphere of an airport. Check-in, ticket scanning, gate finding, waiting. We hurriedly rush inside to escape the wind.

    The three hour ferry from Helsinki to Talinn was quite enjoyable. We mostly slept the whole way because with the slightest bit of motion sickness, sleeping is really your only chance to avoid, well, getting sick!!

Estonia. Beautiful old city. Never destroyed by fire or war, like most european cities. Cobble stones and red tin roofs, its what every american thinks european cities looks like! Coming back to Finland was hard, only because the beauty i found in Tailinn cannot be compared to anything else. I met a few new people as well. Three french girls and on dutch, two brazilian guys and one german. I love these people! I love the questions they ask and the answers they give.

We walk everywhere. Up and down hills, stairs and alleys to reach the highest point of the city so that we can gaze out at the most spectacular view, then, back down the stairs and through the alleys to find yellow and pink buildings with churches on every corner waiting for us. I wake up early sunday morning and sit on the window sill of our hostel. A huge window overlooking the entire town; a city full of color, looming between the sunshine and the morning fog. I crack the window open, just enough to smell and hear the city. At 9:00am all the bells of the churches ring at the exact same moment. Each one playing in a different pitch and depth, seemingly in harmony with one another. I close my eyes and listen.

Its wonderful.

...

I love graffiti
Its in random places all around the city,
on signs and trashcans, bus stops and walkways.

This sign is really interesting..on the flip side is the same image but without the red "not allowed" bar.
so in one direction, feel free to live your life
but don't try these things going in this direction!
very cool sign.

The town of Naantali
20 minutes by bus, north
pretty little town, resort style
with hotels and spas and harbors.

I'm here!

odd

After first arriving with the thought that my courses were going to be normal and start on august 31st, i've done nothing for two weeks but walk around this city, have dinner and conversations with friends and celebrate the weekend hours together!


Now they have begun
FINALLY
Swedish level 1 has been my one and only course so far.
My next course not starting for another two weeks, lends this course all my energy and focus.
Can i just say...oh joy! (a strictly satirical oh joy, mind you)

Its not that i don't want to or enjoy learning the swedish language, its just the teacher.
How can i put this in a nice way, she is a bit
.
odd.
.
A quiet woman, with unnatural red hair and glasses. We move at a glacial pace, which is a good thing, but can easily put to sleep the morning student. A sit beside the three French girls all named Julie and two Germans, Anne and ?, i forget. 


Anyways, classes have begun, but the atmosphere is, again, odd.
The campus is not crowded with rushing students, or jammed with parking spot seeking drivers, or any of that. Simply because the schedules here are all on different starting and ending times! we all didn't start at the same time and some haven't even started at all yet!! 
.
Some classes are the full length of a semesters time, some are two weeks, others a few days...each with different grading methods and expectations. odd....

We will see how it goes.
but for now, swedish is alone for another week..then another class is added to my odd schedule, then the next week, another added. They only last for two weeks. 
.
Here we go

  

The City

The girls in my building and I went to another women's championship Futbol game! This time it was England vs Finland.
Finland unfortunatley lost, but that didnt stop the stands from cheering! Seated right next to the drumline and a million screaming kids, it was the most intense soccer game I've ever been too! The drums rumbling in my chest and hundreds of Finnish flags waving from hopeful fans. I was surrounded by sound and excitement.
All the little kids screaming with the beat of the drum...


Suomi! Suomi! Suomi!

We joined them with clapping and an attempted pronunciation of the word (meaning Finland in Finnish). I think we did alright with it! :)




I continue to walk around this beautiful city and cannot help but wonder about the people here.
...
Do they realize the pebble stones they walk on everyday? Do they notice the colors of the buildings?
Do they notice each other?
..
I think back at the time spent in my home. I'm sure I've taken the beauty of Morgantown for granted, never really "looking" at anything, just passing by.
I'm sure the people think the same of me with the US.

 Waiting for the bus yesterday, we decided to sit on the sidewalk instead of standing thus leaning against trashcans. It was a good alternative!
The sidewalks are triple the size compared to the US.

A line dividing the middle, giving the people just enough space to walk on one side and bicyclists to ride on the other.

Sometimes I forget what side i'm "supposed" to walk on and the then, if you by chance happen to be on the wrong side, you'll hear the pleasant ring of someones bike, letting you know to scoot over or your about to be run over! It's better than yelling at someone, like I could easily see back home.

The Italian boys made us dinner again. Needless to say, it was delicious! Tortellini soup and Bruschetta and with a few words, Bon Appetite!, we happily dig in. We talk about the difference between american and British English afterwards. Danielle and I let them know that it's easy for us to fake a British accent for jokes and we gave examples,  which they thought were quite funny. We asked them if they ever faked an american accent for fun, but sadly, no one spoke up.

My first class starts on wednesday....

Time to myself

This entire week has been a whirlwind of events. I thought it would be easy to sit down at the end of the day and write short stories of the day, but it's quite difficult.

Running around the city all day, going form one place to the next.
 Meeting people, taking a bus, having lunch
it all seems so everyday, and it would be so everyday back home, but im not home
i'm in a foreign country!
A place where the streets are always lined with people and the buildings are all made up off different colors.
I enjoy walking everywhere, to see everything.

Iam so grateful.

I pray with my rosary every night
just like my grandmother, it helps me fall asleep.
Especially those first few lonely nights in a different room, a bed other than my own.

It's raining now.
The sky has been gray almost everyday,
with little peaks of sunshine every now and then.

But its alright, Finland doesn't have to put on a happy face for me to enjoy my time here. I'm trying to cherish everyday as it comes.

Yesterday, danielle, lisa and i found the post office and mailed our families some postcards. Danielle from California and Lisa from kansas, our small american group then went shopping together. Take a guess where?...H&M. There is one of these stores on every corner here, it isn't as expensive as in the US, but still it is cheap compared to the department stores here. I guess Turku itself is an expensive city. Who knew?

My little group of students is something i'll always remember about my time here. Their heroic attempts of carrying on an english conversation with me is all but inspiring.

Andreza. From Brazil, but studying in Trento, Italy.
She is most inspiring. We talk about our families, boyfriends and our home towns. I asked her one day, how long it took her to learn Italian and she explained to me that Italian and Portuguese are very similar. She continued to tell me that if i learned one, i could very easily learn the other! If i ever mustered up the courage and motivation to learn a language such as Italian, perhaps i would also have the stamina to learn Portuguese as well! She can speak English, but only so much.
We attend church together and we chat about our favorite saints. She loves St. Paulina because she is from her home town in Brazil.

She inspires me very much to go after my dreams. I asked her why she chose to come to Finland, and she replied," my main objective is to learn English." When has one thing ever been mine or your main objective like this?!?