good change

Last night at Newman, we watched the documentary Food Inc. with food activist and author Michael Pollan.

It not only confirmed my plans with vegetarianism, but it also opened my eyes to whole new areas of consumption.
Areas concerning food production, distribution and the environmental impact that the whole food industry brings!!

It made everyone think about what was on our tables, in our hands..where it came from and how it came to be! These are important things to consider when shopping in our readliy available grocery markets.

Anyway,
 i'm already writing a ten page paper on this topic, with its concerns in europe,
but still...this is not a place for paper planning...
this is a place to think
freely
to write
freely
and to express my inner most thoughts,
the ones that dont always get the most attention.


Today
I am grateful for comfy grass that i took my nap on this afternoon with kt pino.
I am gratefull for water on this 90 degree day
I am gratfeul for understanding friends
I am grateful for new talents
I am grateful for not working today!

This idea, of expressing the 5 things you are grateful for daily.
It started in my journals in Finland, yesterday was the first day since
and then again today

Its good
to recall what we are aooreciative of...

Also
today
I had dinner with DeVito and we were discussing Newman ideas
and she  told me that she always felt that i ahd the ability to see multiple perspectives
from people

which i guess is true, ive never really thought about it

But i do, maybe its the way i was raised. always around different people
raised with an open-mind about alot of things, despite the struggles.

this is a random blog
life is random
sometimes
so this post works with today, because it is random
today was that for me


Nerves and butterflies
I reread my old post about butterflies from hemlock trails, coopers rock
one of my favorite places
He was always the main point in many of my old posts.
Now hes not even the main thought
          at least he wasn't, until he came up again
called again, messaged again

why??

it makes me nervous to think that he might be actually thinking about this again!
you dont get a million chances here
people rarely get second chances
and he did!!

isnt that crazy enough, how much i gave
not again

people dont get a million chances.

a random day
a random life.

missing something

I feel as if im missing something
something ive gained
and have worked so hard to get..
..
this faith
that ive worked at, read for, prayed for
longed for
a long time, has been slipping

Why?

because im not with the same kids anymore
because i dont have the drive to go to mass anymore

Im doing the bare minimum here and it shows. I ger angry easier now, more sad about things that never used to bother me. I feel tired and broken down.

I went to mass tonight, the first time in a long time...and Fr. Bekehs homily was, as always, a dagger to the current events in my life.

Make God First
Pray with God for help
Reach your full potential with God.

I was there once...
at the peak of my faith journey
so strong and filled with Christ love.

I feel as if i've lost all of it..

{sigh}

I have not given up hope, i will get back there, just gotta start from the ground up again i guess....
start praying again
reading again
listening  again!

 everything again, how'd i let my self get here! Again?!!

good grief indeed, it is good grief

more

I should write more

my last post described how blogging kept my world in focus, kept my mind sharp
somehow

i havent been able to keep up, with anything latley!!

It's frustrating

This new living situation is turning out to be more stressful than i had hoped.
I moved away from home, I moved away from stress
to move into what!

I'm looking for a new place, but with my new birthday puppy..
its making things a bit difficult
I still love her though :)

I'm on craigslist everyday, I look through the paper everyday
hoping to find something available that'll meet my standards.

Everything happens for a reason

I know this at least